Yo mama so chill, we take her on road trips to keep the drinks cold.
If I were on a boat with spooktacular and berrylicious I would throw them both overboard with zero guilt. Sploosh. Bye bye.
I'll take the corner office with the veranda and hot tub. Oh it's not available? Well what about the open air office with a hammock and ocean view? Oh I see. Well then, put me down for the classic cubicle with woven walls and dental lighting.
This morning I found a chocolate bar melted into the bristles of my hairbrush. So, yes, it was a good weekend.
A little bird fell through the chimney, came sputtering out of the fireplace, refused to go out the door, flew into my room, and has either slept for three days straight or curled up and died. And now every time I go to put on a boot I'm afraid of stepping into a bird corpse. So if I seem a little on edge it's because I've either found the bird or I haven't found the bird.
1. Gouge out eyes.
2. Slit throat.
3. Rub salt in wound.
--The Mafia/Housewife Guide to Preparing Baked Potatoes
What's the name of your lipstick?
*Also, is someone being home schooled in CVS? ("Now for your geography lesson, go label those lipsticks." )
My name is Nasreen. I write micro essays, one-liners, and other small things. Most of them were funny at some point, at least to me.