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Things that SELF-DESTRUCT: modern landmines, high-security data storage devices, artificial intelligence undergoing cognitive dissonance, ice cream cones.
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My father leaves fruit in his wake whenever he visits. He is the fruit king and I am the loyal subject. "Daddy, how do you peel pomegranates?" "Well there are many techniques." "Ok but what do you do?" "Well I take my shirt off. And then I take my undershirt off." Later, as we drive past a strip club, I imagine the farmer's daughter striding onto the stage: "For my next routine I will peel a pomegranate!"  Who does your tattoos? She's 3. Works mostly in glitter.  "What are your fitness goals?"
"Open jars by myself." "Ok! I recommend our Platinum Personal Training Package. Including dietary supplements and tanning." HIM: So that's how my life-changing psychedelic experience caused me to literally see the face of God a few days ago.
ME: Cool. I joined the gym. |
AuthorMy name is Nasreen. I write micro essays, one-liners, and other small things. Most of them were funny at some point, at least to me. Archives
January 2019
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