​How do you eat when alone? I like to ride side-saddle in a dining chair, gazing out at the wild horizon, whipping my fork into a fury of tiny circles that might just lasso an elusive memory or fling a carrot faster than the speed of light.

Sadly, my life is not exciting enough to warrant these.  

LYSANDER: I have a widow aunt, a dowager
Of great revenue, and she hath no child,
And she respects me as her only son;
Her house from Athens is remov'd seven leagues,
There, gentle Hermia, may I marry thee,
And to that place--
HERMIA: Hold on. Back to your aunt. We need to talk.
LYSANDER: She's a dowager of great revenue.
HERMIA: Lysander, she's a chicken.
LYSANDER: A Polish chicken. There's a big difference.
HERMIA: So we're getting married in a chicken coop.
LYSANDER: Look, it's nice. I'm telling you. It's seven leagues from Athens. You'll love it when you get there.
HERMIA: Nope nope nope nope nope.
And scene!

​Baby, I'm like a patio cushion. I got a bad side and a side that will make you cringe. 

Blender Blackjack 
(How I make smoothies.)
Innocuous liquid
banana
cute berries
[BLEND, TASTE]
"Delicious. HIT ME."
turmeric
HIT ME
kale
HIT ME
algae
HIT ME
wheat grass
[Deep breath.]
HIT ME.
protein powder
HIT ME
garlic
HIT ME
tahini
HIT ME
cod liver oil
[Wipe sweat from brow. Sign of the cross.]
HIT ME.
Noni juice
STAND.
"Ug, disgusting. But still technically drinkable. It's perfect!"

​I have a dentist appointment in one hour. I've never been so open to an alien abduction.

I’m not a sleepwalker, but I do apparently check my junk email in the middle of the night while half asleep.
Who is Cathy J. Burke and why does she have a gift for me? CLICK.
$0 down on VA eligibility? Well if I join the army one day I need to be informed… CLICK.
Borrow up to $40,000 with rates starting at 4.99%! Is this a bed or am I sleeping inside a giant dump truck filled with dollar bills? No idea. CLICK.

​Found a Do Not Disturb sign on the door to my mother's yoga room.