I never enjoy dehydrated peas so much as when there are exactly three (3) in my cup o noodles.
When it comes to poking microwavable entrees I'm a real overachiever. Remind me to get into ice fishing.
Here's a heart healthy tip: You can use cauliflower as a vegan substitute in any recipe that calls for human brains.
I never feel more Japanese than when I'm brushing with a mini disposable toothbrush with a built-in peppermint freshening bead.
At the drugstore:
America's #1 mascara, America's #1 desensitizing toothpaste, America's #1 shave cream, petrified corpse of Yankee Doodle.
"Does not consider themselves to be normal. Wants a viking funeral." Sounds like all the boys I went to high school with.
At the drive-through today the man behind me tried to order teriyaki chicken. The name of the restaurant is "Greek Chicken" and no, he was not successful. But way to put your dreams out there, sir!
Like a fork descending upon a cherry tomato,
he would either be hers forever
or run far far away.
Waitress: Can I start you off with some drinks?
Me: Do you have hot tea?
Waitress: Sure. We have green tea, chamomile, and Better Love Life.
Me: I'LL TAKE CHAMOMILE.
My name is Nasreen. I write micro essays, one-liners, and other small things. Most of them were funny at some point, at least to me.