​Mermaid piggies? Dragons? 

​This clever toy lets you build a replica of traditional buildings from different parts of the world. You can make St. Mark's Campanile from Italy or Lukang Station from Taiwan or a Korean Kimchi House! And then there's the U.S........

Last night I searched Youtube for women’s tutorials on how to do a pull-up . The good news is that there seems to be a consensus: 5 simple/agonizing steps and you’re golden in about two months. But then I got busy puttering around the house and left Youtube to do its thing, to take me into its psychedelic rabbit hole of auto-play while I blew soap bubbles at the dishes.

We cycled through several distinct sets of videos:

There were shouty ones about How To Get Ripped Fast (Go to the gym and get your nutrition right, bro! Rooooaaaar!), and then a strange set of either inspirational montages of buff women working out or softcore porn (sometimes the music would cut out for minutes at a time and the women would just be there silently squatting with barbells, looking over their shoulders at the camera, which I believe is not the recommended posture when you are weightlifting). And finally, the self-help gurus pontificating on how to pick up women at the gym.

By this time, my black beans were boiled, laundry sorted, and I was ready to put Youtube to bed. But it got me thinking, have we come full circle?
​

• Advice for Women on How to Do a Pullup
• Advice from Men on How to Get Ripped
• Women Lifting Weights (inspirational)
• How to Pick Up Women at the Gym

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So all these women want to do pullups and all these men want to pick women up. There should be a win-win somewhere around here... Or maybe not. In the meantime, at least we have a consensus: a woman’s place is at the top.

No wonder Americans are on edge.  We've all been marooned on a weird 5-year-long edition of Iron Chef where the Secret Ingredient is.... KALE!

​"Your giant panini press is broken." 
"Stop putting sandwiches in the copy machine, Dave!"

​Whatcha doin'? 
Tamin' my pooch.

BABY'S BREATH (Gypsophila): Tiny, adorable. Commonly used in commercial flower arrangements.

WEIRD UNCLE'S BREATH (Gary): Often described as a cross between alcohol and garlic. Method of reproduction unknown.

CARNATION (Dianthus caryophyllus): National flower of Spain, Monaco, and Slovenia. Comes in decent colors. Solid B+.

DATE NIGHT TUXEDO (Weigela) . Prefers ultra low-light conditions with minimal parental supervision; blooms once a year on prom night. Thrives in moist “clammy” soil. Fertliize regularly with Aqua Velva. See also: Carnation.

FORGET-ME-NOT (Myosotis scorpioides): Small blue flower found in bogs, ditches, and other creepy wet places.  See also:  Gollum, Lord of the Rings.
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TOUCH-ME-NOT (Impatiens noli-tangere): 2nd most popular baby name in 2017 for girls born in the Washington DC area. See also: Pussy willow.

Could this picture be any more Southern California?

I need to wallpaper the inside of my fridge. I spend a lot of time in there, alone, silently gazing into the depths and looking for... what? 
Comfort? 
Answers? 
Pickles?
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Anyway, I think it's a bit overkill that the white walls and fluorescent lights make it look like an actual insane asylum.