nasreen yazdani
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It's not easy being a freckle

5/31/2017

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​It's not easy being a freckle. One day you're adorable, everybody loves you. The next day- BOOM - you're a cancerous freak.
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Stop! You're Under Arrest!

5/31/2017

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​Stop! You're under arrest! For julienning a vegetable with the intent to arrange it on a Ritz cracker accompanied by a mild soft cheese and fresh parsley.
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Just another day at the Health Food Co-op

5/30/2017

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Cashier: Anyway, that's a summary of my personal journey with the Diva Cup.
Me: Can I just pay cash for these carrots?
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Date drama

5/30/2017

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​I asked a lady what the date was today and she said the 31st. Look lady, don't judge me. Just because I wear sensible attire and have a socially appropriate affect doesn't mean I know what month it is.
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Miss Status Symbol

5/29/2017

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​The highlight of the 2017 Miss Status Symbol Awards was when the Birkin bag had to relinquish her crown to a 16 oz wide-mouth mason jar.
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Image:  https://www.flickr.com/photos/ekilby/7030385395
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Tight hamstrings? Try this.

5/27/2017

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​AAhhh! Tired of waking up with tight hamstrings. I've tried massage and epsom salts. Is it too late to call these people?
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Near death experience: yoga sculpt

5/25/2017

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No pain, no gain!
Push that body OVER THE EDGE!
Take a deep breath. It's the last one you'll have for the next 90 minutes.
I want to see you DRIPPING sweat! Your mat better be a
Slip 'N Slide when we're done. Capeesh?
Pick up your free weight and cram it into your jaw.  Yes, it's gluten-free.

Everyone should have two straps-- they're both for self-flagellation.
Go ahead, primal scream. No one can hear you, honey. I locked the doors.
Next pose is called ROID RAGE WARRIOR!
Every morning I get up at 4 a.m. and drink a smoothie made out of two Hungry Man tv dinners, protein powder, and a very bloody steak!
I can't explain any of my bruises!  It's weird!
But I  can explain the one you're about to get right now.
Your job is to do what I say! My job is to hurt you!
Your knees should be OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS!
More! Harder! Fifty reps, NOW!
FEEL. THE. BURN.

My heart to yours, namaste. ​
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Image: https://pixabay.com/en/yoga-stretch-person-flexibility-37260/
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Panhandling in the modern age

5/25/2017

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​Just wondering how the homeless schedule themselves for shifts on the best street corners. I mean other than the obvious iphone app.
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As a veteran of the corporate finance industry...

5/24/2017

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​My professional recommendation would be to BeDazzle it.
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I think I have a piece of hair in my mouth.

5/23/2017

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    Author

    My name is Nasreen Yazdani.   I used to write micro essays, one-liners, and other small, lighthearted things. Most of them were funny.  

    Now I'm working on a book of stories.  The emotional range is... wilder.   

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