Prioritizing LIKE A BOSS.
(1) Live chat with pancake mix company
(2) fish toothbrush out of toilet.
I am the queen, and I preside royally over my darling chaos.
I will manually stop the microwave several seconds before the buzzer goes off. Because I like to be the one to end relationships.
It is a dubious honor to be the last customer into the post office before the glass doors lock. One by one, a zombie parade of dejected plebeians push their noses against the glass, gnash their teeth, and proffer their precious packages to the heavens hoping for divine intervention.
You can try to ignore them, but they will find your eyes through the security glass and javelin a haunting look that pleads, "Do it! Just open the door from the inside. You're one of us." Anyway, long story short, I may have sold my soul for a roll of stamps.
At the anachronistic barber shop, Beyonce and a Founding Father debate independence and decide to go with curly blonde shoulder-length weaves.
Can I get an animated gif of that time when I complained to my boss that my computer wouldn't turn on while plugging the surge protector back into itself? And can I get that on infinite loop? Thanks so much.
If I die please bury me with my exclusive Albertsons PREFERRED Club Card. The full size, not the little key chain style. Let it be known that I was a valued member.
Trumpet concerts are awesome. But bring a poncho and keep a distance. You don't want to be sitting in the front row when his face explodes.
"One browser window closes, another opens." - optimist addicted to the internet
The royal drama queen wished she could cry hot pink tears. So she summoned her chauffeur and whispered, "Take me to a Japanese drugstore!"
My name is Nasreen. I write micro essays, one-liners, and other small things. Most of them were funny at some point, at least to me.