Allow me to be your Persian translator

Here is a sample of my work:
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Stephanie = Estephanie
I'm full, don't serve me anything else = wah wah wah (incomprehensible Charlie Brown teacher talk)
This is Gary, my boss. = This is Gary-sweetie, my boss. I want to give him my liver.
I'm backed up to the Cloud = I'm constipated to the heavens and beyond!