No pain, no gain!
Push that body OVER THE EDGE!
Take a deep breath. It's the last one you'll have for the next 90 minutes.
I want to see you DRIPPING sweat! Your mat better be a
Slip 'N Slide when we're done. Capeesh?
Pick up your free weight and cram it into your jaw. Yes, it's gluten-free.
Everyone should have two straps-- they're both for self-flagellation.
Go ahead, primal scream. No one can hear you, honey. I locked the doors.
Next pose is called ROID RAGE WARRIOR!
Every morning I get up at 4 a.m. and drink a smoothie made out of two Hungry Man tv dinners, protein powder, and a very bloody steak!
I can't explain any of my bruises! It's weird!
But I can explain the one you're about to get right now.
Your job is to do what I say! My job is to hurt you!
Your knees should be OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS!
More! Harder! Fifty reps, NOW!
FEEL. THE. BURN.
My heart to yours, namaste.
My name is Nasreen Yazdani. I used to write micro essays, one-liners, and other small, lighthearted things. Most of them were funny.