My knockoff version of Whole Foods "locally sourced" ice: What I do is I put my tap water into an ice cube tray.
0 Comments
My gym has a "cinema room" where you can ride a stationary bike in pitch dark total silence, just the sound of strangers breathing heavily.
You haven't lived until you've watched a horror movie on mute, while riding a bike that goes nowhere, shoulder to shoulder with other nameless faceless riders who you don't know and never will, but whose moist ponytails have grazed your neck for a chilling no-no nanosecond, all behind a heavy sound-proof door that is probably still unlocked unless someone accidentally locked you all in together, closed the gym and went home, leaving you to steam to death in a giant airtight coffin as the credits play on and on and on. The unbearable ear-splitting cacophony of a single spoon dropping to the floor. Spoons: so melodramatic but damn they're good for soup.
According to the ancient Hawaiian creation myth, sea foam is actually the bubbly baby drool of the infant god, Derek.
I've been reading up on Coats of Arms. You never know-- this could be a Jeopardy question. Here are my notes:
Armenia: An eagle and a lion, supporting a shield Brazil: A coffee plant and a tobacco plant, supporting a shield Latvia: A lion and a griffin standing on a pile of oak leaves, supporting a shield Monaco: Two identical twin brunette monks brandishing swords at each other, supporting a shield Spain: A crown levitating above two columns, supporting a shield depicting a lion, a castle, two mini shields and a pomegranate Isle of Man: A raven and a falcon, supporting a shield depicting a three-legged man with no torso, running clockwise Brazil: An alligator levitating above a topless woman in a cheerleading skirt carrying two pineapples and a surfer dude in striped Hot Dog on a Stick bloomers, supporting a shield Scotland: A blue-tongued lion sitting on a crown sitting on a piece of armor sitting on a shield depicting the same lion that is sitting on it, supported by two unicorns *** So what's YOUR personal coat of arms? Let's chat in the comments below. (Mine is a lady in a baggy swimsuit and cowgirl boots riding a Labradoodle. You know, supporting a shield.) I need a personal assistant at work. Duties include:
1. Hug me when the copy machine jams. 2. Monitor the microwave to make sure no one puts fish in there. 3. Bless all my coworkers when they sneeze. This is pretty much a full time job. Oh, the unspeakable things I've eaten directly over your irreplaceable official documents.
- real talk from the office |
AuthorMy name is Nasreen Yazdani. Archives
February 2022
Categories |