I joined the circus!
A few years ago I saw an Aerial Silks video and I just couldn't get it out of my mind. I was mesmerized. I swore that I would find a way to cat-climb two glorious silk curtains and hang upside down like a vampire. But every time I mentioned my dream to someone they would say, "You need a lot of upper body strength," and then they would stare at my flaccid arms with grave concern.
For years, I drooled at Youtube videos of flying acrobats and made myself pathetic push-up regimens, broken almost as soon as they were started. I wasn't getting anywhere.
Well luckily no one was around to restrain me when I recently found a super cheap Groupon for TEN (10) classes. I made the impulse purchase, quickly confirmed that I still have health insurance, closed my eyes and signed the liability release.
A few day later I busted through the doors of Aerial Revolution with manic energy and a twinkle in my eye, just enough to psych out the receptionist. I wore a leotard with tiny crabs, tribal leggings, and cowgirl boots. Ponytail in full effect.
Yes, we flew.
Yes, we hung upside down.
Yes, I got my foot ridiculously stuck in a knot and the teacher had to Rubix Cube me out of it in front of the whole class while I hung there like a fly in a spider web.
It was pretty amazing. Here's what I've learned so far:
1. Circus HURTS. Peak pain experience settles in after 24 hrs.
2. When the beautiful lady acrobat stood in front of us and mentioned calmly that we may not be able to feel our fingers for a while after class, I should have believed her.
3. Have you heard of curtain burn? It's like rope burn but it covers more acreage on the flesh.
4. The good news is that I do have upper body muscles. The bad news is that I seem to have broken all of them. (Hiiii! Byeee!)
5. I may need tutoring from a Boy Scout. I tie one type of knot, that's it, and I need to learn to tie like 100 more knots, really fast, with my feet.
6. If you're wondering what music they play while you sweatily hoist yourself up and down curtains and give yourself monster wedgies, it's Bachelorette Party Radio.
Truth be told, I was the weakest link in class, and when I think about nine more hours of hard labor I want to scream. But I’ve waited too long for this opportunity to drop it now. As they say, no pain, no gainly swinging from the chandeliers.
Up, up, and away!
My name is Nasreen Yazdani. I used to write micro essays, one-liners, and other small, lighthearted things. Most of them were funny.