The PedEgg, part mini cheese grater, part plastic easter egg, promises to grind your callous feet out of their disgrace and into the green pastures of feminine beauty. It's on sale at CVS and I might buy it. But I'm afraid I would try to use it for other things, like grating nutmeg. And then I wouldn't be able to remember what I used it for last and before you know it I have flesh and raisin muffins. It's a slippery slope.
I have trouble with the whole pedicure-at-home idea. Pedicures only work when all the elements are together-- broken vinyl La-Z-Boy, weird knee massage, chemical headache. If you do it at home, it's just painting your nails. Real pedicures live in strip malls and give you cancer. And we love them for that.
In a related story, I have it from a good source that as recently as the 1950's, the fishermen in the Chagos Archipelago would cultivate massive callouses on their feet and saw them off ad hoc to use as fish bait.
Do you see where I'm going with this? If you go hiking, and find yourself stranded in the wilderness, and need to eat, and come across a freshwater lake, you might be glad you left your feet alone.
My name is Nasreen Yazdani. I used to write micro essays, one-liners, and other small, lighthearted things. Most of them were funny.