I recently scored this personal marquee sign on deep discount. Shopportunity! I thought I could write myself affirmations or inspirational quotes. Turns out, nothing I want to say is simple. Not enough letters, not enough space. Not enough dots to make ellipses— no way to even hint at what is missing, so thoughts hurtle over a jagged edge of unfinished words or devolve almost immediately into nonsense.
But there’s a semicolon. You know, in case I finagle two clauses and need to connect them. This is how it looked before the batteries exploded.
Which famous thinker coined the term "these twists and turns of fate"?
a. Aristotle: founder of the Peripatetic School
b. Plato: famous for the Theory of Forms
c. Heraclitus: "You cannot step in the same river twice"
d. Rob Thomas: Matchbox Twenty
I got this very wrong an hour ago.
Every aisle of my laundromat is like walking the red light district in Amsterdam. Rows of giant front loading washers with fogged up windows and promises of Super Spin Out and Turbo Prewash and 55 Lb Load. Sometimes the doors are just hanging wide open, flapping in the breeze. Under the soft rock piping through the loudspeakers, you can hear them stage whispering to the customers: “Hey, big boy! You got quarters? Try me.”
Have you ever purchased mushy blueberries on accident and then been forced to make blueberry muffins at midnight and fall asleep with the aroma wrapping you like a blanket? It’s not that bad.
My name is Nasreen Yazdani. I used to write micro essays, one-liners, and other small, lighthearted things. Most of them were funny.