I recently scored this personal marquee sign on deep discount. Shopportunity! I thought I could write myself affirmations or inspirational quotes. Turns out, nothing I want to say is simple. Not enough letters, not enough space. Not enough dots to make ellipses— no way to even hint at what is missing, so thoughts hurtle over a jagged edge of unfinished words or devolve almost immediately into nonsense.
But there’s a semicolon. You know, in case I finagle two clauses and need to connect them. This is how it looked before the batteries exploded.

Just another purple carrot that looks like a pantyhose model.

Which famous thinker coined the term "these twists and turns of fate"?

a. Aristotle: founder of the Peripatetic School
b. Plato: famous for the Theory of Forms
c. Heraclitus: "You cannot step in the same river twice"
d. Rob Thomas: Matchbox Twenty

I got this very wrong an hour ago.

Sure, let's get on the freeway together.  What could go wrong?

True story:  When you dial *10 it just takes you to the bank. $$$

Finally someone has developed a device to help cats groom themselves. 

​Have you ever purchased mushy blueberries on accident and then been forced to make blueberry muffins at midnight and fall asleep with the aroma wrapping you like a blanket? It’s not that bad.