Spam

I just received an email message from a gentleman named YouWill. The subject is SatisfyHerWithYourNewLongerDong. Maybe it’s my fault for keeping my spammy Hotmail account, but is anyone thinking this is not junk mail? Isn’t the point of spam to make it look legit so people open it? Here’s a tip: If your name and subject line read like a knock knock joke, you’re not coming across as credible. 

I remember the good old days when the desperate Nigerian prince was trolling for American investors. The emails stopped when everyone caught on. Joke was over, everyone went back to their lives. But the maximize your manhood ads just keep rolling in. 

They must be working. At this point, I think they should just do an infomercial with testimonials. 

Silver Fox: “It all started when I got this email… and look at me now! I had to get three more mistresses just to use up all my extra manliness… brought to you by the makers of The Clapper and ShamWow.” 

All I’m saying is, contrary to popular belief, spam does have a shelf life. So let’s go. Freshen it up boys. Sell me something new. The fake Facebook friend emails are a good start but you can do better. Millions of gullible friends and I are waiting. 

If Americans can’t continue to deliver the state of the art spam they’re known for, don’t blame us if the jobs get outsourced to Nigeria. ​